Is your relationship healthy? As a coach, I regularly work with clients going through marital or relationship problems.
The definition of a ‘relationship’ within the Oxford Dictionary states that a relationship is:
“The way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected”.
This simple statement gives a very large clue as to why so many relationships break down.
In a world where we are more connected to others all over the world, close connections sometimes suffer.
We pay less attention to those face to face as we become absorbed in our work, our mobile phones and social media.
If your relationship is breaking down, then I’d highly recommend applying some ‘T.C.P.’ before you decide to call it a day.
T.C.P refers to 3 fundamental things that any relationship needs:
It’s very important to spend quality time together.
I’m not talking about a night in front of the television, but the time where you focus solely on each other.
I’m a firm believer in ‘date day’ or ‘date night’. This is where you pre-allocate time in the diary for regular time together and you guard it with your life.
If you are a parent reading this thinking that you can’t make this happen because you have children, then think again…
Your children are watching you and they are learning. If you want them to have successful relationships, then you need to learn by example.
They need to see that a relationship needs quality time together.
By hiring a babysitter or getting granny in for the night, you are benefiting not only your relationship but their future relationships.
Without time, you cannot experience a connection.
You need quality conversation other than, “Whose turn is it to feed the dog?”, or “It’s your turn to do the dishes”.
Those conversations are surface layer everyday conversations that don’t fuel connection.
When you create time together, ensure that conversations go deeper. Ask your partner what they are enjoying in their life.
Ask them if they have any worries.
Show that you care by listening without interruption and really pay attention to their words.
Talk about what you would like to experience together in the future and make plans!
The words that you speak to your partner have power.
They have the power to lift or lower their mood and their life. Without time and connection, it’s harder to have positive conversations. It’s hard to tell your partner what you love about them if you are constantly busy without prioritising the relationship.
Really be aware of the negative comments that you make to your partner on a daily basis.
Try for one day to only use positive language.
Don’t get angry because they haven’t done what you wanted them to do. Thank them for doing what they have done.
The words that I share are not about creating the ‘perfect’ relationship, but about having the tools and techniques to get back on track when necessary.
I hold my hands up and say that there are days when I get it wrong for sure. There are days that I juggle being a life coach, a mum, a wife and a friend.
But what I’ve learnt is that T.C.P can be applied to any relationship and needs to be.
Give your relationships what they need and watch them flourish!
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